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Botanical Garden, 10AM
Art exhibit and sale en plein air
Alex Beard Studio, 5PM
Drinks, food, painting to celebrate the artist's studio opening
Maison Dupuy Hotel, 5PM
Fancy foods, music by jazz great Tim Laughlin, and event raffle
Benachi House & Gardens, 6PM
Southern Rep's fundraising dinner and party
New Canal Lighthouse, 6PM
Coastal scientist discusses his work
Smoothie King Center, 7PM
The Birds and the Mavs go head to head
Allways Lounge, 7PM
Last game planned in the Allways's popular performance & game night
2314 Iberville St., 7:30PM
Cocktails for a cause
Saenger Theatre, 8PM
The Beach Boy presents "Pet Sounds"
Catahoula Hotel, 8PM
Free drinks if you can do his dance. Vote for Pedro!
BJs in the Bywater, 8PM
Poetry with Clare Welsh and Todd Cirillo
Bar Redux, 9PM
NOLA's Horror Films Fest screens shorts
Howlin Wolf, 10PM
Bronx hip hop comes south
Bywater Art Lofts, 6PM
Live art in the air
Ogden Museum, 6PM
Feat. Mia Borders
New Orleans Jazz Museum, 6PM
Exhibit opening on the late Pete Fountain
Mardi Gras Museum of Costumes and Culture, 6PM
Unveiling of Big Freedia's 2018 Krew du Viewux costume
Langston Hughes Academy, 7PM
8th annual dinner party in the Dreamkeeper Garden
The Republlic, 7PM
Immersive pop-up gallery, boutique, and stage show
Euphorbia Kava Bar, 7PM
DIY rock, pop, punk show
Saenger Theatre, 7:30PM
Joy Theater, 8PM
The Carver, 9PM
NOLA brass all-stars
Gasa Gasa, 9PM
Feat. Burn Like Fire and I'm Fine in support
Allways Lounge, 10:30PM
Feat. Creep Cuts and Rory Danger & the Danger Dangers
One Eyed Jacks, 10:30PM
80s dance party
Pickin' Away the Picayune
Dear Dead Huey P. Long, What do you make of all this fuss about the Times-Picayune publishing three days a week and focusing more on their website? Given your history with the New Orleans paper, I reckon you’re glad to see it go, right? It’s not like we’re losing a particularly good paper. Unsubscribed in Eunice
Now, look. I never did give a good gotdamn about the Times-Picayune. Hell, it’s no secret that me and Esmond “Shinola” Phelps had our fair share of tangles. That sumbitch was deep in the pockets of big railroads and New York bankers, so when I started talkin' bout sharing the wealth, Phelps started talkin' impeachment. Nice try, you rascal. The Picayune stuck to me like a fat tick on a lazy dog and I tried to stick it right back, passing a state tax on newspapers that Phelps whined about all the way up to the U.S. Supreme Court. Well, you can’t win ‘em all.
Believe you me, there was a time I woulda liked to see some carnage in that newsroom, but hearing talk about the Times-Picayune being scaled down to three papers a week really stirs up the guts of ol’ Dead Huey P. Long. On one hand, Phelps can suck it. On the other hand, it’s hard to imagine New Orleans without a paper of record, even one as despicable as the Picayune.
Let me ask you this: If the Times-Picayune ain’t around to print half-truths and whole lies, and if opponents of the Picayune lose a rival to rail against, then who decides exactly what’s worth talking about in this town?
By 1930 I got so tired of arguing with the local rags that I started my own damn paper, called it Louisiana Progress. If Phelps and the rest of those sumbitches insisted on dragging me through the mud, then I figured the least I could do is sling a little back at ‘em. The Progress was admittedly a low-budget affair, funded through generous contributions to my deduct box and by a few advertisers who valued their business with the state, but it got the job done. Sometimes we published monthly, sometimes weekly, sometimes more, depending how soon the next election was coming up, if you catch my drift. Folks today might call Louisiana Progress an “alternative newspaper,” meaning it was an alternative to the party line pitched by the Picayune.
As much as it burns my ass to admit it, I needed the Times-Picayune. Huey P. Long without the Times-Picayune is like LSU without Ole Miss, like Domilise’s without Quizno’s, like New Orleans without Houston. Sometimes you gotta define what you are by defining what you’re not, and that’s hard to do without a good foil.
Now, I know it’s not like Da Paper is disappearing completely. I’m told the Picayune will still print three days a week, and daily news will now be available on the internet. Well, when you spend most of your time in a pine box underneath the NOLA Defender offices, a good wi-fi connection can be hard to come by. If ain’t delivered to my door, I ain’t gonna read it, and I know a lot of old-timers around here feel the same way. Still, I reckon those of us who prefer printed news are a dying (or, in my case, dead) breed. But here’s the real problem with readin’ the paper on the Internet. If I wanna spend my time getting’ all worked up over the latest indignities from the pens of sumbitches like Phelps and his cronies, I can’t find ‘em for a cent. I’m staring at a MyPad lookin’ at cat pictures and some rinky dink clip of the Saints stretchin’ out their calf muscles.
All news may be created equal, but it ain’t all king, and that’s a big damn problem when you wanna find out where the bodies are buried. What you end up with is a bunch of hens and no rooster, and with all that cluckin’ it’s hard to know when news is really worth crowing about. I’ll be the last sonofabitch on Earth to shed a tear for Esmond Phelps, but there ain’t no volume without a paper of record. And there ain't no front page for the Kingfish to dominate, neither.
Dead Huey P. Long
Evan Z.E. Hammond, Dead Huey, Andrew Smith
Michael Weber, B.A.
B. E. Mintz