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THE

Defender Picks

 

Mercedi

March 4th

Shpongle

Civic Theater
Simon Gosford and Raja Ram’s uber eclectic sound

 

Pelicans v. Pistons
SKC, 7p.m.
Surging Birds face Detroit without Brow

 

Kevin James

Mahalia Jackson, 7p.m.

The comedy pops off with the King of Queens

 

The Southern Food and Beverage Museum, 6-8:30p.m.
9 bartenders compete for the high ball

Jeudi

March 5th

Jyl Benson and Sam Hanna
Octavia Books, 6p.m.
New book focuses on New Orleans' Casual Restaurant Recipes

 

Bounce ft. Sissy Nobby

Republic, 10p.m.

Wobble, baby

 

The Soul Rebels

Le Bon Temps Rouler, 10p.m.

Enjoy these brass rebels and a game of pool!

 

Greensky Bluegrass

Tipitina’s, 8:30p.m.

This Michigan quintet knows how to rock bluegrass

Vendredi

March 6th

Six Years of Beers

NOLA Brewing Co, 5:30p.m.

Release of the 6th Anniversary Ale (a sour ale this year) ft. music with Tauk, Gravity A, New Orleans Suspects

 

Gogol Bordello

House of Blues, 9p.m.

Gypsy Punk band from the Lower East Side

 

Francisco Goldman

Tulane Auditorium, 6p.m.

Academic all-star chats about Interior Circuit

 

Celtics v. Pelicans

SKC, 7p.m

 

Mario Cart Challenge

Republic, Doors 10p.m., free before 12 w/ college ID

Multiple N64s set up for the annual Mario Kart Challenge - compete to win a section and bottle of booze; music by DJ G

Samedi

March 7th

Julia Street

Monthly art crawl, 6-9p.m.

 

Haiku With Ghosts

Foundation Gallery, 6-10p.m.

Opening reception for Demond Matsuo’s new show

 

Soul Fest

Audubon Zoo, 10a.m.-5:30p.m.

Day 1 of music, food and fun at the zoo!

 

Jim Roche: Culture Mechanic

Ogden, 6p.m.

Opening of acclaimed retrospective

 

Grizzlies v. Pelicans

SKC, 6p.m.

 

Katt Williams

Lakefront Arena, 8p.m.

Popular comedian on his Born Again...Again tour

 

Tank and the Bangas

Old US Mint, 8p.m.

Local spoken wordsmiths exude creativity through song

Dimanche

March 8th

Tobymac, Mandisa, & Capital Kings

Saenger Theater, 7p.m.

Grammy Award Winners on tour w/ electronic pop duo the Capital Kings

 

Bo Burnham (Sold Out)

Civic Theater, 8p.m.

Wunderkind comedian wombed on the web

 

Glen David Andrews

Botanical Gardens, 4p.m.

Party in the Garden with Andrews and Swamp Donkeys

 

Soul Fest

Audubon Zoo, 10a.m.-5:30p.m.

Day 2 of music, food and fun at the zoo!



Pickin' Away the Picayune


Q
Dear Dead Huey P. Long, What do you make of all this fuss about the Times-Picayune publishing three days a week and focusing more on their website? Given your history with the New Orleans paper, I reckon you’re glad to see it go, right? It’s not like we’re losing a particularly good paper. Unsubscribed in Eunice

A

Dear Unsubscribed,

 

Now, look. I never did give a good gotdamn about the Times-Picayune. Hell, it’s no secret that me and Esmond “Shinola” Phelps had our fair share of tangles. That sumbitch was deep in the pockets of big railroads and New York bankers, so when I started talkin' bout sharing the wealth, Phelps started talkin' impeachment. Nice try, you rascal. The Picayune stuck to me like a fat tick on a lazy dog and I tried to stick it right back, passing a state tax on newspapers that Phelps whined about all the way up to the U.S. Supreme Court. Well, you can’t win ‘em all.

 

 

Believe you me, there was a time I woulda liked to see some carnage in that newsroom, but hearing talk about the Times-Picayune being scaled down to three papers a week really stirs up the guts of ol’ Dead Huey P. Long. On one hand, Phelps can suck it. On the other hand, it’s hard to imagine New Orleans without a paper of record, even one as despicable as the Picayune.

 

Let me ask you this: If the Times-Picayune ain’t around to print half-truths and whole lies, and if opponents of the Picayune lose a rival to rail against, then who decides exactly what’s worth talking about in this town?

 

By 1930 I got so tired of arguing with the local rags that I started my own damn paper, called it Louisiana Progress. If Phelps and the rest of those sumbitches insisted on dragging me through the mud, then I figured the least I could do is sling a little back at ‘em. The Progress was admittedly a low-budget affair, funded through generous contributions to my deduct box and by a few advertisers who valued their business with the state, but it got the job done. Sometimes we published monthly, sometimes weekly, sometimes more, depending how soon the next election was coming up, if you catch my drift. Folks today might call Louisiana Progress an “alternative newspaper,” meaning it was an alternative to the party line pitched by the Picayune.

 

As much as it burns my ass to admit it, I needed the Times-Picayune. Huey P. Long without the Times-Picayune is like LSU without Ole Miss, like Domilise’s without Quizno’s, like New Orleans without Houston. Sometimes you gotta define what you are by defining what you’re not, and that’s hard to do without a good foil.

 

Now, I know it’s not like Da Paper is disappearing completely. I’m told the Picayune will still print three days a week, and daily news will now be available on the internet. Well, when you spend most of your time in a pine box underneath the NOLA Defender offices, a good wi-fi connection can be hard to come by. If ain’t delivered to my door, I ain’t gonna read it, and I know a lot of old-timers around here feel the same way. Still, I reckon those of us who prefer printed news are a dying (or, in my case, dead) breed. But here’s the real problem with readin’ the paper on the Internet. If I wanna spend my time getting’ all worked up over the latest indignities from the pens of sumbitches like Phelps and his cronies, I can’t find ‘em for a cent. I’m staring at a MyPad lookin’ at cat pictures and some rinky dink clip of the Saints stretchin’ out their calf muscles.

 

All news may be created equal, but it ain’t all king, and that’s a big damn problem when you wanna find out where the bodies are buried. What you end up with is a bunch of hens and no rooster, and with all that cluckin’ it’s hard to know when news is really worth crowing about. I’ll be the last sonofabitch on Earth to shed a tear for Esmond Phelps, but there ain’t no volume without a paper of record. And there ain't no front page for the Kingfish to dominate, neither.

 

Regards,

 

Dead Huey P. Long




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Contributors:

Dead Huey Long, Emma Boyce, Elizabeth Davas, Ian Hoch, Lindsay Mack, Anna Gaca, Jason Raymond, Lee Matalone, Phil Yiannopoulos, Joe Shriner, Chris Staudinger, Chef Anthony Scanio, Tierney Monaghan, Stacy Coco, Rob Ingraham,

Staff Writers

Cheryl Castjohn, Sam Nelson

Art Listings

Cheryl Castjohn

Photographers

Brandon Roberts, Rachel June, Daniel Paschall

Film Critic

Jason Raymond

Puzzler

Paolo Roy

Art Director:

Michael Weber, B.A.

Editor:

B. E. Mintz

Published Daily by

Minced Media, Inc.

Editor Emeritus



Stephen Babcock