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THE

Defender Picks

 

MARDI

March 28th

Book Reading: Elizabeth Pearce

Garden District Book Shop, 6PM

From her new book "Drink Dat New Orleans: A Guide to the Best Cocktail Bars, Dives, & Speakeasies"

 

Spring Publishing Camp

Tubby & Coo's Mid-City Book Shop, 7PM

Book publishing workshop

 

Gabby Douglas

Dillrd University, 7PM

Olympic gymnast talks fame and fitness

 

Laelume

The Carver, 7PM

World soul jazz music

 

Laughter Without Borders

Loyola University, 7PM

Clowns for a cause, to benefit Syrian refugees

 

Tuesday Night Haircuts

St. Roch Tavern, 8PM

Tonight: beer, haircuts, karaoke

 

Thinkin' With Lincoln 

Bayou Beer Garden, 8PM

Outdoor trivia

 

Water Seed

Blue Nile, 9PM

Interstellar future funk

 

Stanton Moore Trio

Snug Harbor, 10PM

Galactic drummer’s side project - also at 8PM

MERCREDI

March 29th

Response: Artists in the Park

Botanical Garden, 10AM

Art exhibit and sale en plein air

 

Studio Opening Party

Alex Beard Studio, 5PM

Drinks, food, painting to celebrate the artist's studio opening

 

Sippin' in the Courtyard

Maison Dupuy Hotel, 5PM

Fancy foods, music by jazz great Tim Laughlin, and event raffle

 

Work Hard, Play Hard

Benachi House & Gardens, 6PM

Southern Rep's fundraising dinner and party 

 

Lecture: Patrick Smith

New Canal Lighthouse, 6PM

Coastal scientist discusses his work

 

Pelicans vs. Dallas Mavericks

Smoothie King Center, 7PM

The Birds and the Mavs go head to head

 

Drag Bingo

Allways Lounge, 7PM

Last game planned in the Allways's popular performance & game night

 

They Blinded Me With Science: A Bartender Science Fair

2314 Iberville St., 7:30PM

Cocktails for a cause

 

Brian Wilson 

Saenger Theatre, 8PM

The Beach Boy presents "Pet Sounds" 

 

Movie Screening: Napoleon Dynamite

Catahoula Hotel, 8PM

Free drinks if you can do his dance. Vote for Pedro!

 

Blood Jet Poetry Series

BJs in the Bywater, 8PM

Poetry with Clare Welsh and Todd Cirillo

 

Horror Shorts

Bar Redux, 9PM

NOLA's Horror Films Fest screens shorts

 

A Boogie Wit Da Hoodie

Howlin Wolf, 10PM

Bronx hip hop comes south

 

JEUDI

March 30th

Aerials in the Atrium

Bywater Art Lofts, 6PM

Live art in the air

 

Ogden After Hours

Ogden Museum, 6PM

Feat. Mia Borders

 

Pete Fountain: A Life Half-Fast

New Orleans Jazz Museum, 6PM

Exhibit opening on the late Pete Fountain

 

Big Freedia Opening Night Mixer

Mardi Gras Museum of Costumes and Culture, 6PM

Unveiling of Big Freedia's 2018 Krew du Viewux costume

 

An Edible Evening

Langston Hughes Academy, 7PM

8th annual dinner party in the Dreamkeeper Garden

 

RAW Artists Present: CUSP

The Republlic, 7PM

Immersive pop-up gallery, boutique, and stage show

 

Electric Swandive, Hey Thanks, Something More, Chris Schwartz

Euphorbia Kava Bar, 7PM

DIY rock, pop, punk show

 

The Avett Brothers

Saenger Theatre, 7:30PM

Americana folk-rock

 

Stand-Up NOLA

Joy Theater, 8PM

Comedy cabaret

 

Stooges Brass Band

The Carver, 9PM

NOLA brass all-stars

 

Wolves and Wolves and Wolves and Wolves

Gasa Gasa, 9PM

Feat. Burn Like Fire and I'm Fine in support

 

Fluffing the Ego

Allways Lounge, 10:30PM

Feat. Creep Cuts and Rory Danger & the Danger Dangers

 

Fast Times Dance Party

One Eyed Jacks, 10:30PM

80s dance party

 


Hasslin' 'n Rasslin'

Ladies' Arm Wrestling Pumps Up the Lower Garden District



Last updated at 3 p.m., 10/22

 

At a NOLAW brawl, the euphoria of watching female biceps bulge until it seems like cephalic veins are about to pop can overtake all sense of time and place. Then, someone slips in a bribe.

 

In New Orleans Ladies Arm Wrestling, the bribes aren't stuffed in a freezer, or exchanged in a brown paper bag in the shadows. Instead, like a throwback to those wistful days before the FBI got in the way, graft is out in the open for all to see.

 

“It happens as the night goes on, it gets a little crazier and people realize there aren't any rules,” explains NOLAW circle of trust fixture Nina Feldman, as she's gearing up for tomorrow night's throwdown at the Half Moon Bar.

 

When the women's fists are locked, greenbacks and raffle tickets are greasing the skids. Tickets are a buck, with all the Washingtons on their way to charity. The audience is also strongly prodded to place a wager, ensuring the closest thing to absolute mayhem this side of a backroom cockfighting ring.

 

The NOLAW series is less than a year old, but it's already gained steam after three go-rounds thanks to a one-of-a-kind combination of adrenaline, acuity of mission, and, as ever in this town, ass-shaking. The costumes also help.

 

Its first inception in January at Mid-City legend Finn McCool's occupied the back corner of the bar in true mafioso style. All who decided to dedicate their evening to the wily event gave their fullest. For the contingent of locals occupying barstools and obsessing over football, on the other hand, it might as well have been a round of croquet.

 

By the third event this summer at the otherwise-temperate CBD hangout Handsome Willy's, the entire rear patio was a near Mt. St. Helens, sending out smoke signals to broadcast its readiness to erupt – and take whole hamlets of well-meaning plainfolk with it.

 

In addition to bestowing boundless glory on three champions, the bouts raised more than $1,500 for charity groups like Books For Prisoners and Hagar's House, the domestic violence shelter, organizers said.

 

Even with all the showboating and shenanigans, the group takes seriously its mission to advocate for women's issues and organizations that support that set of causes around the metro area and Gulf Coast region. Feldman said the group would like to turn a finer focus on women-specific organizations. They would also like to provide the sponsoring organizations with a more outspoken platform for their cause at the brawls, as opposed to simply raising money for them, she said.

 

All proceeds from tomorrow night's event will benefit the St. Bernard Project's Wellness Center, which focuses on providing mental health services to citizens of Da Parish in the wake of the Big Oozy.

 

The savage quest that takes place here in NOLA is just one of many ladies' arm wrestling chapters around the county. The concept started in Charlottesville, Va.(CLAW), and has expanded to Taos, N.M., the Hudson Valley Region of New York, and Raleigh, N.C., among other cities.

 

Feldman said there is talk of forming a nonprofit organization to encompass all of the chapters. That could provide funding, administrative support, and assurance that they wouldn't get exploited by Girls Gone Wild, she said.

 

But before exchanging money, and even before throwing around superlatives about a femme who today remains merely mortal, there is some serious spectacle to be had.

 

In addition to the costumed rasslers themselves, each NOLAW brawl brings dressed-to-the-hilt entourages wandering the crowd, celebrity judges, and that two-face of a referee.

 

The tournament starts with eight competitors, but at the end of the night only one is able to claim triumph.

 

Tomorrow night's card will see the likes of Baby Brees, the Two-Headed Monster, the Phiery Phoenix and Granny Grinder. They'll also be a special return appearance by celebrity judge Sarah Palin.

 

We asked the participants about some particulars. Their responses are below:

 

Baby Brees

 

Name: Baby Brees (I)

Age: 1 (& nine-twelfths!)

Place of Residence: The Teet of Who Dat

Left or Right-handed?: Left

Theme Music: "Black and Yellow" by Rick Ross

Entourage: Blanket Jackson, The Baby That Should've Been Made by Natalie Portman and Devendra Banhart, Bjork and Barney's baby, Pax Jolie-Pitt

Mode of transportation to the brawl: Breesus' shoulders

In-brawl drink of choice: Mama's milk aka 4 Loco

What's your pre-brawl ritual? How do you get pumped?: A little nurse, A little nap, A little sandbox shotput.

 

 

Grandma Grinder
 

Age: 89 1/2
Place of Residence: NOLA Nursing Home for the Elderly
Left or Right-handed?: Right
Theme music: “Beaumont” by 3OH!3
Entourage: Nursing home attendants
Mode of transportation to the brawl: Ambulance
In-brawl drink of choice: Geritol
What's your pre-brawl ritual?: A nap
How do you get pumped for a brawl?: Try to get out of a chair

 

Pearl Slick

Age: 20
Place of Residence: Gulf of Mexico
Left or Right-handed? Right handed
Theme Music: "Children's Story" by Slick Rick
Entourage: Slick Skrimp and the Black Fish
Mode of Transportation to the Brawl: Westerly Winds 6 Series

In-brawl drink of choice? Tar Bomb (Jager and Midori dropped into High Life)
How do you get pumped for a brawl? Lube up (oil based, of course) and spill out

Shoutouts? All da bouys in da houseeeeeee

 

Celebrity Judge Sarah Palin

Age: A young 46

Place of Residence: Wasilla, AK. Just stopping here on my latest book tour!

Current Job: Show mom on Dancing With the Stars, Twitter master, busy grandmother, rogue reality star on TLC!

Theme Music: PROUD TO BE AN AMERICAN

Mode of Transportation: ATV

What are your qualifications for this job? America, being American, patriotism, and doin' the best I sure can.

What vicious, adrenaline-filled beatdown-fests do you consume on a daily basis to form your views of ladies' arm wrestling? Well, Kermit, I regularly enjoy shootin' bears, goin' bobsleddin', and fightin' for unborn babies. So I think you can see the clear connections there for yourself.

Can you see any arm wrestlers from your house? I can't see arm wrestlers but I sure can see wrestlin'. The Russian government is trying to wrestle our freedom away from us, Kermit. And yes, I can see wrestlin' Russia from my house.

How can wrestlers make sure you rule in their favor? Write-in Sarah Palin for President in 2012!!

Is ladies' arm wrestling in any way like moose hunting? It's a lot like moose huntin', Kermit. You gotta go for the kill, pay attention.

In-brawl drink of choice? Oh, just root beer. I'm a pretty tame girl. (No but seriously, anything with whiskey or tequila)

Shoutouts: I'd like to thank America, God, my family, the First Amendment, feminism, the Tea Party, America, wolves, God, abstinence-only education, the Second Amendment, the ghost writers of my books, Dr. Laura, and America. God bless you all.

 

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Contributors:

Evan Z.E. Hammond, Dead Huey, Andrew Smith

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