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THE

Defender Picks

 

Vendredi

November 28th

The New Orleans Suspects feat. Paul Barrere of Little Feat

Tipitina’s, 10p.m.

Also with special guests Ed Volker (The Radiators) and John “Papa” Gros

 

Tank and the Bangas “Stone Soul Picnic”

Chickie Wah Wah, 10p.m.

Rhythmic soul and spoken word from locally formed group led by singer Tarriona Ball

 

Grayson Capps

Carrollton Station, 10p.m.

Raw bayou blues done right + Lauren Murphy; $2 Rolling Rock

 

Luke Winslow King w/SamDoores (The Deslondes/Hurray for the Riff Raff)

d.b.a., 10p.m.

Fresh Americana from Nola rooted musicians $10

 

Kermit Ruffins & The BBQ Swingers

Blue Nile, 7p.m.

Friday nights with Kermit on Frenchmen ($10)

 

Brass-A-Holics vs. Mainline

Blue Nile, 11p.m.

Dueling brass

 

DJ Black Pearl

Blue Nile Balcony Room, 1a.m.

Two nights of EDM from the princess of Indian dj’s

 

Teairra Mari: All Black Affair

House of Blues, 11p.m.

Presented by Tscolee & Loft 360 Society she's sung w/ Gucci Mane & Soulja Boy

 

Lalah Hathaway, Najee, Anthony David

Saenger Theatre, 7:30p.m.

Grammy-winning singer brings soul to the Saenger

 

Bayou Classic Golf Tournament

Joe Bartholomew Golf Course (Pontchartrain Park), 10a.m.

Test your driving and putting skills in this bonafide local tournament

 

Career & College Fair

Hyatt Regency Hotel, 10a.m.-3p.m.

Part of Bayou Classic’s events helping companies and graduates connect

 

Battle of the Bands And Greek Show

Superdome, 6p.m.

A decades long rivalry features a battle of school marching bands in preparation for tomorrow’s big game

 

Marc Broussard

Southport Music Hall, 8p.m.

Son of Boogie King’s Ted Broussard this cajun’s voice is full of well-placed soul

 

Black Friday Fiasco

Banks St. Bar, 10p.m.-3a.m.

A tribute to the Ramones with sideshows by lydia Treats, Pope Matt Thomas and burlesque from Xena Zeit-Geist

 

 

Samedi

November 29th

Water Isaacson - The Innovators: How a Group of Hackers Geniuses, and Geeks Created a Digital Revolution 

Newman, 1-3p.m.

Hear author of Steve Jobs speak about pioneer of computer programming Ada Lovelace, Lord Byron’s daughter and other innovators of the digital age

 

Cedric Burnside Project ft Garry Burnside and Gravy

Tipitina’s, 10p.m.

Catch this Blues Hall of Famer uptown

 

Little Freddie King

The Beatnik, 9p.m.

Join this class act local bluesman in Central City

 

FKA Twigs

Republic, 9p.m.

The sexiest electronic R&B show you’ll probably ever go to

 

Build Your Own Bloody Mary Bar

The Country Club, 10a.m.-3p.m.

Do it how you live it + $10 bottomless Mimosas every Sat and Sun

 

DJ Black Pearl

Blue Nile Balcony Room, 1a.m.

Two nights of EDM from the princess of Indian dj’s

 

Hustle w/ DJ Soul Sister

Hi Ho Lounge, 9p.m.-1a.m.

Get ya hustle on to humble resident DJ who spins it how she lives it

 

John Boutte

d.b.a., 8p.m.

Witness local jazz vocalist’s voice floating on Frenchmen ($10)

 

Funk Monkey

d.b.a., 10p.m.

Second-line funk and dank boogaloo groove made to make ya move ya feet

 

Eric Lindell

d.b.a., 11p.m.

San Franciscan native turned Cajun sifts through elements of blues and soul $15

 

Gal Holiday and the Honky Tonk Revue

Siberia, 10p.m.

Authentic N.O. honky-tonk rockgal

 

Down

Southport Hall, 7p.m.

Philip Anselmo's local metal cult 

 

Bayou Classic

Superdome, 1:30p.m.

Rivals Southern University and Grambling State duke it out for the 41st time in this annually played game

 

Fan Fest

Champions Square, 9a.m.-1p.m.

Music outside da dome featuring 5th Ward Weebie and more

 

Hasslin' 'n Rasslin'

Ladies' Arm Wrestling Pumps Up the Lower Garden District



Last updated at 3 p.m., 10/22

 

At a NOLAW brawl, the euphoria of watching female biceps bulge until it seems like cephalic veins are about to pop can overtake all sense of time and place. Then, someone slips in a bribe.

 

In New Orleans Ladies Arm Wrestling, the bribes aren't stuffed in a freezer, or exchanged in a brown paper bag in the shadows. Instead, like a throwback to those wistful days before the FBI got in the way, graft is out in the open for all to see.

 

“It happens as the night goes on, it gets a little crazier and people realize there aren't any rules,” explains NOLAW circle of trust fixture Nina Feldman, as she's gearing up for tomorrow night's throwdown at the Half Moon Bar.

 

When the women's fists are locked, greenbacks and raffle tickets are greasing the skids. Tickets are a buck, with all the Washingtons on their way to charity. The audience is also strongly prodded to place a wager, ensuring the closest thing to absolute mayhem this side of a backroom cockfighting ring.

 

The NOLAW series is less than a year old, but it's already gained steam after three go-rounds thanks to a one-of-a-kind combination of adrenaline, acuity of mission, and, as ever in this town, ass-shaking. The costumes also help.

 

Its first inception in January at Mid-City legend Finn McCool's occupied the back corner of the bar in true mafioso style. All who decided to dedicate their evening to the wily event gave their fullest. For the contingent of locals occupying barstools and obsessing over football, on the other hand, it might as well have been a round of croquet.

 

By the third event this summer at the otherwise-temperate CBD hangout Handsome Willy's, the entire rear patio was a near Mt. St. Helens, sending out smoke signals to broadcast its readiness to erupt – and take whole hamlets of well-meaning plainfolk with it.

 

In addition to bestowing boundless glory on three champions, the bouts raised more than $1,500 for charity groups like Books For Prisoners and Hagar's House, the domestic violence shelter, organizers said.

 

Even with all the showboating and shenanigans, the group takes seriously its mission to advocate for women's issues and organizations that support that set of causes around the metro area and Gulf Coast region. Feldman said the group would like to turn a finer focus on women-specific organizations. They would also like to provide the sponsoring organizations with a more outspoken platform for their cause at the brawls, as opposed to simply raising money for them, she said.

 

All proceeds from tomorrow night's event will benefit the St. Bernard Project's Wellness Center, which focuses on providing mental health services to citizens of Da Parish in the wake of the Big Oozy.

 

The savage quest that takes place here in NOLA is just one of many ladies' arm wrestling chapters around the county. The concept started in Charlottesville, Va.(CLAW), and has expanded to Taos, N.M., the Hudson Valley Region of New York, and Raleigh, N.C., among other cities.

 

Feldman said there is talk of forming a nonprofit organization to encompass all of the chapters. That could provide funding, administrative support, and assurance that they wouldn't get exploited by Girls Gone Wild, she said.

 

But before exchanging money, and even before throwing around superlatives about a femme who today remains merely mortal, there is some serious spectacle to be had.

 

In addition to the costumed rasslers themselves, each NOLAW brawl brings dressed-to-the-hilt entourages wandering the crowd, celebrity judges, and that two-face of a referee.

 

The tournament starts with eight competitors, but at the end of the night only one is able to claim triumph.

 

Tomorrow night's card will see the likes of Baby Brees, the Two-Headed Monster, the Phiery Phoenix and Granny Grinder. They'll also be a special return appearance by celebrity judge Sarah Palin.

 

We asked the participants about some particulars. Their responses are below:

 

Baby Brees

 

Name: Baby Brees (I)

Age: 1 (& nine-twelfths!)

Place of Residence: The Teet of Who Dat

Left or Right-handed?: Left

Theme Music: "Black and Yellow" by Rick Ross

Entourage: Blanket Jackson, The Baby That Should've Been Made by Natalie Portman and Devendra Banhart, Bjork and Barney's baby, Pax Jolie-Pitt

Mode of transportation to the brawl: Breesus' shoulders

In-brawl drink of choice: Mama's milk aka 4 Loco

What's your pre-brawl ritual? How do you get pumped?: A little nurse, A little nap, A little sandbox shotput.

 

 

Grandma Grinder
 

Age: 89 1/2
Place of Residence: NOLA Nursing Home for the Elderly
Left or Right-handed?: Right
Theme music: “Beaumont” by 3OH!3
Entourage: Nursing home attendants
Mode of transportation to the brawl: Ambulance
In-brawl drink of choice: Geritol
What's your pre-brawl ritual?: A nap
How do you get pumped for a brawl?: Try to get out of a chair

 

Pearl Slick

Age: 20
Place of Residence: Gulf of Mexico
Left or Right-handed? Right handed
Theme Music: "Children's Story" by Slick Rick
Entourage: Slick Skrimp and the Black Fish
Mode of Transportation to the Brawl: Westerly Winds 6 Series

In-brawl drink of choice? Tar Bomb (Jager and Midori dropped into High Life)
How do you get pumped for a brawl? Lube up (oil based, of course) and spill out

Shoutouts? All da bouys in da houseeeeeee

 

Celebrity Judge Sarah Palin

Age: A young 46

Place of Residence: Wasilla, AK. Just stopping here on my latest book tour!

Current Job: Show mom on Dancing With the Stars, Twitter master, busy grandmother, rogue reality star on TLC!

Theme Music: PROUD TO BE AN AMERICAN

Mode of Transportation: ATV

What are your qualifications for this job? America, being American, patriotism, and doin' the best I sure can.

What vicious, adrenaline-filled beatdown-fests do you consume on a daily basis to form your views of ladies' arm wrestling? Well, Kermit, I regularly enjoy shootin' bears, goin' bobsleddin', and fightin' for unborn babies. So I think you can see the clear connections there for yourself.

Can you see any arm wrestlers from your house? I can't see arm wrestlers but I sure can see wrestlin'. The Russian government is trying to wrestle our freedom away from us, Kermit. And yes, I can see wrestlin' Russia from my house.

How can wrestlers make sure you rule in their favor? Write-in Sarah Palin for President in 2012!!

Is ladies' arm wrestling in any way like moose hunting? It's a lot like moose huntin', Kermit. You gotta go for the kill, pay attention.

In-brawl drink of choice? Oh, just root beer. I'm a pretty tame girl. (No but seriously, anything with whiskey or tequila)

Shoutouts: I'd like to thank America, God, my family, the First Amendment, feminism, the Tea Party, America, wolves, God, abstinence-only education, the Second Amendment, the ghost writers of my books, Dr. Laura, and America. God bless you all.

 

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Contributors:

Dead Huey Long, Emma Boyce, Elizabeth Davas, Ian Hoch, Lindsay Mack, Anna Gaca, Jason Raymond, Lee Matalone, Phil Yiannopoulos, Joe Shriner, Chris Staudinger, Chef Anthony Scanio, Tierney Monaghan, Stacy Coco, Rob Ingraham,

Staff Writers

Cheryl Castjohn, Sam Nelson

Art Listings

Cheryl Castjohn

Photographers

Brandon Roberts, Rachel June, Daniel Paschall

Film Critic

Jason Raymond

Puzzler

Paolo Roy

Art Director:

Michael Weber, B.A.

Editor:

B. E. Mintz

Published Daily by

Minced Media, Inc.

Editor Emeritus



Stephen Babcock