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THE

Defender Picks

 

JEUDI

July 24th

Crescent City Farmers Market
3700 Orleans Ave., 3p.m.-7p.m.
Midcity edition of the city's prime local market

 

Ogden After Hours
Ogden Museum, 6-8p.m.
This week ft. country rockers Pontchartrain Wrecks

 

Thursdays at Twilight
City Park Botanical Garden, 6p.m.
This week ft. Paul Sanchez ($10)

 

Dying City
Shadowbox Theatre, 7:30p.m.
Christopher Shinn’s play about the social effects of the Iraq War ($15)

 

Gisela in Her Bathtub & A Hand of Bridge
Marigny Opera House, 8p.m.
9th Ward Opera Company presents two one-act operas ($20)

 

20,000 Days On Earth
Zeitgeist, 7:30p.m.
Screening of the Nick Cave doc

 

Yojimbo, Down By Law
Joy Theatre, 7p.m.
Double feature worthy of the Criterion Collection

 

Coathangers, White Fang, Trampoline Team, Bottom Feeders
Siberia, 7p.m.
Feminist punk rockers at the early show ($8)

 

Reggae Night
Blue Nile, 11p.m.
Hosted by DJ T-Roy
 

VENDREDI

July 25th

Friday Nights at NOMA
NOMA, 5-9p.m.
Murals On Screen film series begins with Multiple Perspectives: the Crazy Machine

 

Gal Holiday & the Honky-Tonk Revue
Siberia, 6p.m.
Authentic N.O. honky-tonk rock (free)

 

Zephyrs vs. Omaha
Zephyr Stadium, 7p.m.
Local baseball in Metairie

 

Closed Curtain
Zeitgeist, 7:30p.m.
Jafar Panahi made his new film despite Iran’s ban on his work

 

Dying City
Shadowbox Theatre, 7:30p.m.
Christopher Shinn’s play about the social effects of the Iraq War ($20)

 

Johnny Angel & Helldorado
Old U.S. Mint, 8p.m.
Country Western swing from New Orleans ($10)

 

Gisela in Her Bathtub & A Hand of Bridge
Marigny Opera House, 8p.m.
9th Ward Opera Company presents two one-act operas ($20)

 

King Buzzo, Dax Riggs
One Eyed Jacks, 9p.m.
Melvins leader goes solo acoustic ($15)

 

The Hood Internet, Jermaine Quiz
Hi-Ho Lounge, 9p.m.
Mashup DJ extraordinaires ($12)

 

PUJOL, Natural Child, Heavy Lids, Planchettes
Siberia, 10p.m.
Garage rock from Nashville & NOLA

 

Foundation Free Fridays
Tipitina’s, 10p.m.
This week ft. Eddie Roberts & Friends

 

Rocky Horror Picture Show
Prytania, 10p.m.
Ft. The Well Hung Speakers shadow cast

SAMEDI

July 26th

Hush… Hush, Sweet Charlotte
Historic New Orleans Collection, 10:30a.m.
1964 film stars Bette Davis, Olivia de Havilland, Joseph Cotten

 

Renee Broadhead: Unveiled and P.L. Jones: Bonded By Blood
Garden District Books, 2-3:30p.m.
Two YA authors read from their supernatural novels

 

Big Easy Rollergirls Double Header
UNO Human Performance Center, 5p.m.
vs. Hattiesburg & Chicago ($15)

 

Zephyrs vs. Omaha
Zephyr Stadium, 6p.m.
Local baseball in Metairie

 

Symbols of the Illuminati in New Orleans
Zeitgeist, 6:30p.m.
They’re reeeeeal (presented by Tony Green)

 

New Orleans Voodoo vs. San Antonio Talons
Smoothie King Center, 7p.m.
Local arena football

 

Ceremony, Nothing, Back to Back, Heat Dust
Mudlark, 7p.m.
Cali & Philly punk rock ($5)

 

Dying City
Shadowbox Theatre, 7:30p.m.
Christopher Shinn’s play about the social effects of the Iraq War ($20)

 

Gisela in Her Bathtub & A Hand of Bridge
Marigny Opera House, 8p.m.
9th Ward Opera Company presents two one-act operas ($20)

 

Steely Dan
Lakefront Arena, 8p.m.
Kings of cool-dad rock ($62+)

 

Bantam Foxes
Old U.S. Mint, 8p.m.
Local indie band incorporates fuzzy blues rock ($10)

 

Rocky Horror Picture Show
Prytania, 10p.m.
Ft. shadow cast the Well Hung Speakers

 

HUSTLE!
Hi-Ho Lounge, 11p.m.
DJ Soul Sister’s rare groove dance party
 


Hasslin' 'n Rasslin'

Ladies' Arm Wrestling Pumps Up the Lower Garden District



Last updated at 3 p.m., 10/22

 

At a NOLAW brawl, the euphoria of watching female biceps bulge until it seems like cephalic veins are about to pop can overtake all sense of time and place. Then, someone slips in a bribe.

 

In New Orleans Ladies Arm Wrestling, the bribes aren't stuffed in a freezer, or exchanged in a brown paper bag in the shadows. Instead, like a throwback to those wistful days before the FBI got in the way, graft is out in the open for all to see.

 

“It happens as the night goes on, it gets a little crazier and people realize there aren't any rules,” explains NOLAW circle of trust fixture Nina Feldman, as she's gearing up for tomorrow night's throwdown at the Half Moon Bar.

 

When the women's fists are locked, greenbacks and raffle tickets are greasing the skids. Tickets are a buck, with all the Washingtons on their way to charity. The audience is also strongly prodded to place a wager, ensuring the closest thing to absolute mayhem this side of a backroom cockfighting ring.

 

The NOLAW series is less than a year old, but it's already gained steam after three go-rounds thanks to a one-of-a-kind combination of adrenaline, acuity of mission, and, as ever in this town, ass-shaking. The costumes also help.

 

Its first inception in January at Mid-City legend Finn McCool's occupied the back corner of the bar in true mafioso style. All who decided to dedicate their evening to the wily event gave their fullest. For the contingent of locals occupying barstools and obsessing over football, on the other hand, it might as well have been a round of croquet.

 

By the third event this summer at the otherwise-temperate CBD hangout Handsome Willy's, the entire rear patio was a near Mt. St. Helens, sending out smoke signals to broadcast its readiness to erupt – and take whole hamlets of well-meaning plainfolk with it.

 

In addition to bestowing boundless glory on three champions, the bouts raised more than $1,500 for charity groups like Books For Prisoners and Hagar's House, the domestic violence shelter, organizers said.

 

Even with all the showboating and shenanigans, the group takes seriously its mission to advocate for women's issues and organizations that support that set of causes around the metro area and Gulf Coast region. Feldman said the group would like to turn a finer focus on women-specific organizations. They would also like to provide the sponsoring organizations with a more outspoken platform for their cause at the brawls, as opposed to simply raising money for them, she said.

 

All proceeds from tomorrow night's event will benefit the St. Bernard Project's Wellness Center, which focuses on providing mental health services to citizens of Da Parish in the wake of the Big Oozy.

 

The savage quest that takes place here in NOLA is just one of many ladies' arm wrestling chapters around the county. The concept started in Charlottesville, Va.(CLAW), and has expanded to Taos, N.M., the Hudson Valley Region of New York, and Raleigh, N.C., among other cities.

 

Feldman said there is talk of forming a nonprofit organization to encompass all of the chapters. That could provide funding, administrative support, and assurance that they wouldn't get exploited by Girls Gone Wild, she said.

 

But before exchanging money, and even before throwing around superlatives about a femme who today remains merely mortal, there is some serious spectacle to be had.

 

In addition to the costumed rasslers themselves, each NOLAW brawl brings dressed-to-the-hilt entourages wandering the crowd, celebrity judges, and that two-face of a referee.

 

The tournament starts with eight competitors, but at the end of the night only one is able to claim triumph.

 

Tomorrow night's card will see the likes of Baby Brees, the Two-Headed Monster, the Phiery Phoenix and Granny Grinder. They'll also be a special return appearance by celebrity judge Sarah Palin.

 

We asked the participants about some particulars. Their responses are below:

 

Baby Brees

 

Name: Baby Brees (I)

Age: 1 (& nine-twelfths!)

Place of Residence: The Teet of Who Dat

Left or Right-handed?: Left

Theme Music: "Black and Yellow" by Rick Ross

Entourage: Blanket Jackson, The Baby That Should've Been Made by Natalie Portman and Devendra Banhart, Bjork and Barney's baby, Pax Jolie-Pitt

Mode of transportation to the brawl: Breesus' shoulders

In-brawl drink of choice: Mama's milk aka 4 Loco

What's your pre-brawl ritual? How do you get pumped?: A little nurse, A little nap, A little sandbox shotput.

 

 

Grandma Grinder
 

Age: 89 1/2
Place of Residence: NOLA Nursing Home for the Elderly
Left or Right-handed?: Right
Theme music: “Beaumont” by 3OH!3
Entourage: Nursing home attendants
Mode of transportation to the brawl: Ambulance
In-brawl drink of choice: Geritol
What's your pre-brawl ritual?: A nap
How do you get pumped for a brawl?: Try to get out of a chair

 

Pearl Slick

Age: 20
Place of Residence: Gulf of Mexico
Left or Right-handed? Right handed
Theme Music: "Children's Story" by Slick Rick
Entourage: Slick Skrimp and the Black Fish
Mode of Transportation to the Brawl: Westerly Winds 6 Series

In-brawl drink of choice? Tar Bomb (Jager and Midori dropped into High Life)
How do you get pumped for a brawl? Lube up (oil based, of course) and spill out

Shoutouts? All da bouys in da houseeeeeee

 

Celebrity Judge Sarah Palin

Age: A young 46

Place of Residence: Wasilla, AK. Just stopping here on my latest book tour!

Current Job: Show mom on Dancing With the Stars, Twitter master, busy grandmother, rogue reality star on TLC!

Theme Music: PROUD TO BE AN AMERICAN

Mode of Transportation: ATV

What are your qualifications for this job? America, being American, patriotism, and doin' the best I sure can.

What vicious, adrenaline-filled beatdown-fests do you consume on a daily basis to form your views of ladies' arm wrestling? Well, Kermit, I regularly enjoy shootin' bears, goin' bobsleddin', and fightin' for unborn babies. So I think you can see the clear connections there for yourself.

Can you see any arm wrestlers from your house? I can't see arm wrestlers but I sure can see wrestlin'. The Russian government is trying to wrestle our freedom away from us, Kermit. And yes, I can see wrestlin' Russia from my house.

How can wrestlers make sure you rule in their favor? Write-in Sarah Palin for President in 2012!!

Is ladies' arm wrestling in any way like moose hunting? It's a lot like moose huntin', Kermit. You gotta go for the kill, pay attention.

In-brawl drink of choice? Oh, just root beer. I'm a pretty tame girl. (No but seriously, anything with whiskey or tequila)

Shoutouts: I'd like to thank America, God, my family, the First Amendment, feminism, the Tea Party, America, wolves, God, abstinence-only education, the Second Amendment, the ghost writers of my books, Dr. Laura, and America. God bless you all.

 

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Contributors:

Dead Huey Long, Emma Boyce, Elizabeth Davas, Ian Hoch, Lindsay Mack, Anna Gaca, Jason Raymond, Lee Matalone, Phil Yiannopoulos, Joe Shriner, Chris Staudinger, Chef Anthony Scanio, Tierney Monaghan, Stacy Coco, Rob Ingraham,

Staff Writers

Cheryl Castjohn, Sam Nelson

Listings Editor

Anna Gaca

Art Listings

Cheryl Castjohn

Photographers

Brandon Roberts, Rachel June, Daniel Paschall

Film Critic

Jason Raymond

Puzzler

Paolo Roy

Art Director:

Michael Weber, B.A.

Managing Editor

Stephen Babcock

Editor:

B. E. Mintz

Published Daily by

Minced Media, Inc.