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Defender Picks

 

SAMEDI

May 18th

Tulane Commencement

Superdome (9:00 AM)

Keynote: The Dalai Lama

 

Race: The Power of Illusion

Cafe Instanbul (10:00 AM)

A three part conversation for the future of Faubourg St. Roch and all down river communities

 

Bayou Boogaloo

Bayou St. John (12:15-9:15 PM)

A music fest on the water featuring Brass-a-holics, Bonerama, Blake Amos, the Coyotes, and more

 

The Dalai Lama NOLA Film Series

Zeitgeist (1:00 PM- 4:00 PM)

Live streaming of the Dalai Lama speaking

 

Tigers, Bananas, Bears... Oh Yeah!

Art Klub, 513 Elysian Fields Ave (2:00 and 8:00 PM)

An interactive and sparkling performance presented by Nari Tomassetti

 

The Dalai Lama NOLA Film Series

Zeitgeist (6:00 PM)

“A Fierce Light” screening

 

International Hospital for Children Art Auction

The First Presbyterian Church on South Claiborne Ave (7:00 PM)

Local and regional artists and photographers donate their work in support of children’s healthcare

 

Clybourne Park

Shadowbox Theatre (8:00 PM)

Straightforward conversational drama explores one area's gentrification through 50 years

 

Least Favorite Love Songs Multi-Media Comedy Fundraiser Show

The New Movement Theater (8:00 PM)

Storytelling, improv, sketch, funny videos and refreshments courtesy of New Orleans Ice Cream Company and Abita to kick off season 2 of our web series Least Favorite Love Songs

 

The Cons and Prose with DiNola plus White Bitch

Circle Bar (10:00 PM)

Rock group with the motto “Prose before hoes” plays on St. Claude

 

Flow Tribe

Maple Leaf (10:40 PM)

Funky New Orleans natives introduce their new EP, Painkiller

 

Hustle Saturdays with DJ Soul Sister

Hi- Ho Lounge (11:00 PM)

Weekly dance party with the Queen of Rare Groove

 

Dimanche

May 19th

Bayou Boogaloo

Bayou St. John (12:15 PM-9:15 PM)

A music fest on the water featuring Alexis and the Samuri, Remedy Krewe, Fleur de Tease, Hot 8 Brass Band, The Dirty Dozen Brass Band, and more

 

Tigers, Bananas, Bears... Oh Yeah!

Art Klub, 513 Elysian Fields Ave (8:00 PM)

An interactive and sparkling performance presented by Nari Tomassetti

 

Clyborne Park

Shadowbox Theatre (8:00 PM)

Straightforward conversational drama explores one area's gentrification through 50 years

 

Hot 8 Brass Band

Howlin’ Wolf Den (10:00PM)

Weekly gig from some of the city’s best in brass

 

Sunday Youth Music Workshop

Tipitina’s (1:00PM)

All ages workshop with Johnny Vidacovich. Bring your instruments!

 

Cajun Fais Do Do

Tipitina’s (5:30PM)

Bruce Daigrepont is playing the washboard and getting you to bed early

 

Krewe du Guza

Le Bon Temps Roule (10:00PM)

Sunday Funday weekly gig from the husband and wife duo

 

Joe Krown feat. Russell Batiste and Walter "Wolfman" Washington

Maple Leaf (10:30PM)

Weekly gig on Oak with Krown on the organ, Washington firing up the guitar strings, and Batiste on the drums.

 


Hasslin' 'n Rasslin'

Ladies' Arm Wrestling Pumps Up the Lower Garden District



Last updated at 3 p.m., 10/22

 

At a NOLAW brawl, the euphoria of watching female biceps bulge until it seems like cephalic veins are about to pop can overtake all sense of time and place. Then, someone slips in a bribe.

 

In New Orleans Ladies Arm Wrestling, the bribes aren't stuffed in a freezer, or exchanged in a brown paper bag in the shadows. Instead, like a throwback to those wistful days before the FBI got in the way, graft is out in the open for all to see.

 

“It happens as the night goes on, it gets a little crazier and people realize there aren't any rules,” explains NOLAW circle of trust fixture Nina Feldman, as she's gearing up for tomorrow night's throwdown at the Half Moon Bar.

 

When the women's fists are locked, greenbacks and raffle tickets are greasing the skids. Tickets are a buck, with all the Washingtons on their way to charity. The audience is also strongly prodded to place a wager, ensuring the closest thing to absolute mayhem this side of a backroom cockfighting ring.

 

The NOLAW series is less than a year old, but it's already gained steam after three go-rounds thanks to a one-of-a-kind combination of adrenaline, acuity of mission, and, as ever in this town, ass-shaking. The costumes also help.

 

Its first inception in January at Mid-City legend Finn McCool's occupied the back corner of the bar in true mafioso style. All who decided to dedicate their evening to the wily event gave their fullest. For the contingent of locals occupying barstools and obsessing over football, on the other hand, it might as well have been a round of croquet.

 

By the third event this summer at the otherwise-temperate CBD hangout Handsome Willy's, the entire rear patio was a near Mt. St. Helens, sending out smoke signals to broadcast its readiness to erupt – and take whole hamlets of well-meaning plainfolk with it.

 

In addition to bestowing boundless glory on three champions, the bouts raised more than $1,500 for charity groups like Books For Prisoners and Hagar's House, the domestic violence shelter, organizers said.

 

Even with all the showboating and shenanigans, the group takes seriously its mission to advocate for women's issues and organizations that support that set of causes around the metro area and Gulf Coast region. Feldman said the group would like to turn a finer focus on women-specific organizations. They would also like to provide the sponsoring organizations with a more outspoken platform for their cause at the brawls, as opposed to simply raising money for them, she said.

 

All proceeds from tomorrow night's event will benefit the St. Bernard Project's Wellness Center, which focuses on providing mental health services to citizens of Da Parish in the wake of the Big Oozy.

 

The savage quest that takes place here in NOLA is just one of many ladies' arm wrestling chapters around the county. The concept started in Charlottesville, Va.(CLAW), and has expanded to Taos, N.M., the Hudson Valley Region of New York, and Raleigh, N.C., among other cities.

 

Feldman said there is talk of forming a nonprofit organization to encompass all of the chapters. That could provide funding, administrative support, and assurance that they wouldn't get exploited by Girls Gone Wild, she said.

 

But before exchanging money, and even before throwing around superlatives about a femme who today remains merely mortal, there is some serious spectacle to be had.

 

In addition to the costumed rasslers themselves, each NOLAW brawl brings dressed-to-the-hilt entourages wandering the crowd, celebrity judges, and that two-face of a referee.

 

The tournament starts with eight competitors, but at the end of the night only one is able to claim triumph.

 

Tomorrow night's card will see the likes of Baby Brees, the Two-Headed Monster, the Phiery Phoenix and Granny Grinder. They'll also be a special return appearance by celebrity judge Sarah Palin.

 

We asked the participants about some particulars. Their responses are below:

 

Baby Brees

 

Name: Baby Brees (I)

Age: 1 (& nine-twelfths!)

Place of Residence: The Teet of Who Dat

Left or Right-handed?: Left

Theme Music: "Black and Yellow" by Rick Ross

Entourage: Blanket Jackson, The Baby That Should've Been Made by Natalie Portman and Devendra Banhart, Bjork and Barney's baby, Pax Jolie-Pitt

Mode of transportation to the brawl: Breesus' shoulders

In-brawl drink of choice: Mama's milk aka 4 Loco

What's your pre-brawl ritual? How do you get pumped?: A little nurse, A little nap, A little sandbox shotput.

 

 

Grandma Grinder
 

Age: 89 1/2
Place of Residence: NOLA Nursing Home for the Elderly
Left or Right-handed?: Right
Theme music: “Beaumont” by 3OH!3
Entourage: Nursing home attendants
Mode of transportation to the brawl: Ambulance
In-brawl drink of choice: Geritol
What's your pre-brawl ritual?: A nap
How do you get pumped for a brawl?: Try to get out of a chair

 

Pearl Slick

Age: 20
Place of Residence: Gulf of Mexico
Left or Right-handed? Right handed
Theme Music: "Children's Story" by Slick Rick
Entourage: Slick Skrimp and the Black Fish
Mode of Transportation to the Brawl: Westerly Winds 6 Series

In-brawl drink of choice? Tar Bomb (Jager and Midori dropped into High Life)
How do you get pumped for a brawl? Lube up (oil based, of course) and spill out

Shoutouts? All da bouys in da houseeeeeee

 

Celebrity Judge Sarah Palin

Age: A young 46

Place of Residence: Wasilla, AK. Just stopping here on my latest book tour!

Current Job: Show mom on Dancing With the Stars, Twitter master, busy grandmother, rogue reality star on TLC!

Theme Music: PROUD TO BE AN AMERICAN

Mode of Transportation: ATV

What are your qualifications for this job? America, being American, patriotism, and doin' the best I sure can.

What vicious, adrenaline-filled beatdown-fests do you consume on a daily basis to form your views of ladies' arm wrestling? Well, Kermit, I regularly enjoy shootin' bears, goin' bobsleddin', and fightin' for unborn babies. So I think you can see the clear connections there for yourself.

Can you see any arm wrestlers from your house? I can't see arm wrestlers but I sure can see wrestlin'. The Russian government is trying to wrestle our freedom away from us, Kermit. And yes, I can see wrestlin' Russia from my house.

How can wrestlers make sure you rule in their favor? Write-in Sarah Palin for President in 2012!!

Is ladies' arm wrestling in any way like moose hunting? It's a lot like moose huntin', Kermit. You gotta go for the kill, pay attention.

In-brawl drink of choice? Oh, just root beer. I'm a pretty tame girl. (No but seriously, anything with whiskey or tequila)

Shoutouts: I'd like to thank America, God, my family, the First Amendment, feminism, the Tea Party, America, wolves, God, abstinence-only education, the Second Amendment, the ghost writers of my books, Dr. Laura, and America. God bless you all.

 

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Contributors:

Dead Huey Long, Emma Boyce, Ian Hoch, Sarah Esenwein, Ryan Sparks, Will Dilella, Chris Rinaldi, Lianna Patch, Phil Yiannopoulos, Cate Czarnecki, Jonas Griffin, Jennifer Abbot, Mary Kilpatrick, Elaina Patton, Mike Horst, Devin Bambrick, Katherine McGuire, Norris Ortolano, Joe Shriner

Staff Writers

Ryan Sparks, Kerem Ozkan

Listings

Elisabeth Morgan

Puzzler

Paolo Roy

Art Director:

Michael Weber, B.A.

Assistant Managing Editor

Mary-Devon Dupuy

Managing Editor

Stephen Babcock

Editor:

B. E. Mintz

Published Daily by

Minced Media, Inc.