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THE

Defender Picks

 

vendredi

February 5th

Lantern Parade

Crescent Park, 8p.m.

Also ft. Minor Mishap

 

The Revivalists

House of Blues, 8p.m.

Back in Nola for a Mardi Gras show

 

Cirque de So Lune

Carver Theater, 9p.m.

Krewe de Lune’s 8th Annual Space Ball

 

Krewe of Morpheus

Uptown, 7p.m.

For the Greek god of dreams

 

Dan Lavoie

Circle Bar, 9p.m.

Canadian singer-songwriter

samedi

February 6th

Madeon

Joy Theater, 10p.m.

Also ft. Skylar Spence

 

Soul Rebels

Gasa Gasa, 11p.m.

Post-parade jams

 

Pelicans v. Cavaliers

Quicken Loans Arena, 6:30p.m.

Nola vs. Cleveland

 

Krewe of Endymion

Mid-City, 4:15p.m.

One of the three Super Krewes

 

Sexual Thunder

Maple Leaf, 10p.m.

Carnival Romp!

dimanche

February 7th

9th Annual Bacchus Bash

Tip’s, 10p.m.

Presented by Trombone Shorty and Orleans Avenue

 

Krewe of Bacchus

Uptown, 5:15p.m.

Party with the Greek god of wine

 

Krewe of Thoth

Uptown, 12p.m.

Grab 3-D necklaces and stuffed polar bears

 

Joe Krown Trio

Maple Leaf, 10p.m.

Post-Bacchus bash

Lundi Gras

February 8th

Krewe of Orpheus

Uptown, 6p.m.

Usually with big musical guests

 

Quintron & Miss Pussycat’s Annual Lundi Gras Party

One Eyed Jacks, 9p.m.

With guests BABES, Ernie Vincent and more

 

Bundi Gras

Hi-Ho Lounge, 10p.m.

BateBunda, Rusty Lazer, LoveBomb Go-Go and Valerie Sassyfras

 

Tank and the Bangas

Gasa Gasa, 10p.m.

With Alexis & the Samurai

 

Galactic

Tip’s, 10p.m.

Post-parade jams

 

Pelicans v. Timberwolves

Target Center, 7p.m.

New Orleans takes on Minnesota

Mardi Gras

February 9th

The Fattest Tuesday All Day Extravaganza

Hi-Ho Lounge, 1p.m.

Music and the Krewe of Booze

 

Krewe of Zulu

Uptown, 8a.m.

Awake? Catch yourself a coconut.

 

Krewe of Rex

Uptown, 10a.m.

The King of Carnival

 

Mardi Gras with Rebirth Brass Band

Maple Leaf, 10p.m.

Celebrate Fat Tuesday with your favorites

 

2 Chainz + Migos

Saenger, 8p.m.

Mardi Gras Madness

mercredi

February 10th

Pelicans v. Jazz

Smoothie King Center, 7p.m.

Nola back home to take on Utah

 

Mildred Pierce

Prytania, 10a.m.

A mother heads towards disaster in this film noir

 

Station Eleven

Garden District, 6p.m.

By Emily St. John Mandel

 

World Music Wednesday

Maple Leaf, 8p.m.

This week ft. Cole Williams Band


Hasslin' 'n Rasslin'

Ladies' Arm Wrestling Pumps Up the Lower Garden District



Last updated at 3 p.m., 10/22

 

At a NOLAW brawl, the euphoria of watching female biceps bulge until it seems like cephalic veins are about to pop can overtake all sense of time and place. Then, someone slips in a bribe.

 

In New Orleans Ladies Arm Wrestling, the bribes aren't stuffed in a freezer, or exchanged in a brown paper bag in the shadows. Instead, like a throwback to those wistful days before the FBI got in the way, graft is out in the open for all to see.

 

“It happens as the night goes on, it gets a little crazier and people realize there aren't any rules,” explains NOLAW circle of trust fixture Nina Feldman, as she's gearing up for tomorrow night's throwdown at the Half Moon Bar.

 

When the women's fists are locked, greenbacks and raffle tickets are greasing the skids. Tickets are a buck, with all the Washingtons on their way to charity. The audience is also strongly prodded to place a wager, ensuring the closest thing to absolute mayhem this side of a backroom cockfighting ring.

 

The NOLAW series is less than a year old, but it's already gained steam after three go-rounds thanks to a one-of-a-kind combination of adrenaline, acuity of mission, and, as ever in this town, ass-shaking. The costumes also help.

 

Its first inception in January at Mid-City legend Finn McCool's occupied the back corner of the bar in true mafioso style. All who decided to dedicate their evening to the wily event gave their fullest. For the contingent of locals occupying barstools and obsessing over football, on the other hand, it might as well have been a round of croquet.

 

By the third event this summer at the otherwise-temperate CBD hangout Handsome Willy's, the entire rear patio was a near Mt. St. Helens, sending out smoke signals to broadcast its readiness to erupt – and take whole hamlets of well-meaning plainfolk with it.

 

In addition to bestowing boundless glory on three champions, the bouts raised more than $1,500 for charity groups like Books For Prisoners and Hagar's House, the domestic violence shelter, organizers said.

 

Even with all the showboating and shenanigans, the group takes seriously its mission to advocate for women's issues and organizations that support that set of causes around the metro area and Gulf Coast region. Feldman said the group would like to turn a finer focus on women-specific organizations. They would also like to provide the sponsoring organizations with a more outspoken platform for their cause at the brawls, as opposed to simply raising money for them, she said.

 

All proceeds from tomorrow night's event will benefit the St. Bernard Project's Wellness Center, which focuses on providing mental health services to citizens of Da Parish in the wake of the Big Oozy.

 

The savage quest that takes place here in NOLA is just one of many ladies' arm wrestling chapters around the county. The concept started in Charlottesville, Va.(CLAW), and has expanded to Taos, N.M., the Hudson Valley Region of New York, and Raleigh, N.C., among other cities.

 

Feldman said there is talk of forming a nonprofit organization to encompass all of the chapters. That could provide funding, administrative support, and assurance that they wouldn't get exploited by Girls Gone Wild, she said.

 

But before exchanging money, and even before throwing around superlatives about a femme who today remains merely mortal, there is some serious spectacle to be had.

 

In addition to the costumed rasslers themselves, each NOLAW brawl brings dressed-to-the-hilt entourages wandering the crowd, celebrity judges, and that two-face of a referee.

 

The tournament starts with eight competitors, but at the end of the night only one is able to claim triumph.

 

Tomorrow night's card will see the likes of Baby Brees, the Two-Headed Monster, the Phiery Phoenix and Granny Grinder. They'll also be a special return appearance by celebrity judge Sarah Palin.

 

We asked the participants about some particulars. Their responses are below:

 

Baby Brees

 

Name: Baby Brees (I)

Age: 1 (& nine-twelfths!)

Place of Residence: The Teet of Who Dat

Left or Right-handed?: Left

Theme Music: "Black and Yellow" by Rick Ross

Entourage: Blanket Jackson, The Baby That Should've Been Made by Natalie Portman and Devendra Banhart, Bjork and Barney's baby, Pax Jolie-Pitt

Mode of transportation to the brawl: Breesus' shoulders

In-brawl drink of choice: Mama's milk aka 4 Loco

What's your pre-brawl ritual? How do you get pumped?: A little nurse, A little nap, A little sandbox shotput.

 

 

Grandma Grinder
 

Age: 89 1/2
Place of Residence: NOLA Nursing Home for the Elderly
Left or Right-handed?: Right
Theme music: “Beaumont” by 3OH!3
Entourage: Nursing home attendants
Mode of transportation to the brawl: Ambulance
In-brawl drink of choice: Geritol
What's your pre-brawl ritual?: A nap
How do you get pumped for a brawl?: Try to get out of a chair

 

Pearl Slick

Age: 20
Place of Residence: Gulf of Mexico
Left or Right-handed? Right handed
Theme Music: "Children's Story" by Slick Rick
Entourage: Slick Skrimp and the Black Fish
Mode of Transportation to the Brawl: Westerly Winds 6 Series

In-brawl drink of choice? Tar Bomb (Jager and Midori dropped into High Life)
How do you get pumped for a brawl? Lube up (oil based, of course) and spill out

Shoutouts? All da bouys in da houseeeeeee

 

Celebrity Judge Sarah Palin

Age: A young 46

Place of Residence: Wasilla, AK. Just stopping here on my latest book tour!

Current Job: Show mom on Dancing With the Stars, Twitter master, busy grandmother, rogue reality star on TLC!

Theme Music: PROUD TO BE AN AMERICAN

Mode of Transportation: ATV

What are your qualifications for this job? America, being American, patriotism, and doin' the best I sure can.

What vicious, adrenaline-filled beatdown-fests do you consume on a daily basis to form your views of ladies' arm wrestling? Well, Kermit, I regularly enjoy shootin' bears, goin' bobsleddin', and fightin' for unborn babies. So I think you can see the clear connections there for yourself.

Can you see any arm wrestlers from your house? I can't see arm wrestlers but I sure can see wrestlin'. The Russian government is trying to wrestle our freedom away from us, Kermit. And yes, I can see wrestlin' Russia from my house.

How can wrestlers make sure you rule in their favor? Write-in Sarah Palin for President in 2012!!

Is ladies' arm wrestling in any way like moose hunting? It's a lot like moose huntin', Kermit. You gotta go for the kill, pay attention.

In-brawl drink of choice? Oh, just root beer. I'm a pretty tame girl. (No but seriously, anything with whiskey or tequila)

Shoutouts: I'd like to thank America, God, my family, the First Amendment, feminism, the Tea Party, America, wolves, God, abstinence-only education, the Second Amendment, the ghost writers of my books, Dr. Laura, and America. God bless you all.

 

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Contributors:

Dead Huey Long, Emma Boyce, Elizabeth Davas, Ian Hoch, Lindsay Mack, Anna Gaca, Jason Raymond, Lee Matalone, Phil Yiannopoulos, Joe Shriner, Chris Staudinger, Chef Anthony Scanio, Tierney Monaghan, Stacy Coco, Rob Ingraham,

Listings Editor

Lucy Leonard

Photographers

Brandon Roberts, Rachel June, Daniel Paschall

Art Director:

Michael Weber, B.A.

Editor:

B. E. Mintz

Published Daily by

Minced Media, Inc.

Editor Emeritus



Stephen Babcock