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Lagniappe

 
THE

Defender Picks

 

MARDI

May 30th

Down on Their Luck Orchestra

Music at the Mint, 2PM

Jazz at the Old U.S. Mint

 

Craft Happy Hour

Ogden, 6PM

Learn to make paper magnolias with Suzonne Stirling

 

Vibrational Sound Therapy

Glitter Box, 6PM

Discover the energetic magic of Himalayan Singing Bowls with Faun Fenderson

 

Monty Banks

Mahogany Jazz Hall, 6PM

Trad Jazz, rat pack era swing and more

 

HIITuesdays

Peristyle in City Park, 6:30PM

High Intensity Interval Training

 

Train 

Champions Square, 7PM

Feat. O.A.R. and Natasha Bedingfield

 

Gender 101

LGBT Community Center, 7PM

Expand your understanding of gender

 

Thinkin' with Lincoln

Bayou Beer Garden, 7PM

Trivia on the patio

 

Spring Wrap-Up Show

Arts Estuary 1024, 8PM

Performances and screenings by the artist residents

 

High Profile

Hi-Ho Lounge, 10PM

NOLA drag stars host a variety talent show, The Stage

MERCREDI

May 31st

Abe Thompson

Market Café, 3:30PM

Feat. The Doctors of Funk

 

Food Waste Collection

Children’s Resource Center, 5PM

Bring your frozen food scraps to be composted

 

Weird Wine Wednesdays

Spirit Wine, 6PM

Free wine tasting

 

Free Spirited Yoga

The Tchoup Yard, 6:30PM

Food, drinks, yoga

 

CeCe Winans

Orpheum Theater, 7PM

Part of the “Let Them Fall In Love” tour

 

Dance for Bathrooms

Three Keys, 8PM

Benefitting Music Box Village

 

Rooftop Cinema

Catahoula Hotel, 8PM

A showing of But I’m A Cheerleader

 

Major Bacon

Banks St. Bar, 10PM

Sizzlin blues and free BLTs

 

Caleb Ryan Martin

Check Point Charlie, 11PM

Acoustic blues and roots

JEUDI

June 1st

Jazz in The Park

Armstrong Park, 4PM

Jon Clearly + the Absolute Monster Gentlemen

 

Book Signing

Garden District Book Shop, 6PM

Signing of My Love Looks Back by Jessica B. Harris

 

Mardi Gras Concert

Tipitina’s, 6PM

Benefitting Marty Hurley Endowment Center

 

Summer Of Sustainability

Aquarium Of The Americas, 630PM

Enjoy oysters in a unique setting

 

Magical Burlesque

The Willow, 7PM

Harry Potter themed burlesque show

 

Bonnie Bishop

One Eyed Jack’s, 9PM

Sweet country rock

 

ButchLivesMatter

14 Parishes, 9PM

Roasts, toasts and laughs

 

Una Walkonhorst

The Circle Bar, 930PM

Also feat. Patrick Sylvester

 

Lost Stars

Balcony Music Club, 11PM

Support by Mighty Brother 

 

VENDREDI

June 2nd

Symphony Book Fair

Lakefront Arena, 9AM

Benefitting the Louisiana Philharmonic Orchestra

 

Summer Kick Off Film Party

Second Line Stages, 5PM

Supporting BREASTS the film

 

Nateus Photography Opening

Cherry Espresso Bar, 6PM

Photos as a medium of self expression, snacks included

 

Dinner and a ZOOvie

Audubon Zoo, 6PM

Showing of the movie Moana

 

Self Absorbed

TREO, 6PM

A peek inside fifteen artists

 

Lagniappe Performance Series

Loyola Univeristy @ Marquette Hall, 7PM

Performance by Mikhala W. Iversen

 

As One

Marigny Opera House, 8PM

A transgender musical odyssey

 

Joel Wilson

The Building, 9PM

Also featuring Simon Lott as Context Killer

 

Brass-A-Holics

Blue Nile, 11PM

GoGo Brass Funk band 

 

SAMEDI

June 3rd

Grand Opening Party

Parleaux Beer Lab, 11AM

Pouring on all 12 taps

 

Water Words

New Orleans Public Library, 11AM

Exploring the special role of water in our city and in life

 

Basics of Beekeeping

Hollygrove Market, 1PM

Learn how to start your own apiary

 

First Saturday Gallery Openings

Arts District, 6PM

Check out new and returning exhibitions

 

Harrison Avenue Stroll

Harrison Avenue, 5PM

Food, drinks, fun

 

Louisiana Wetlands

Carol Robinson Gallery, 5PM

Original art by Dave Ivey

 

Moonlit Paddle

Manchec Swamp, 545PM

Enjoy an evening of paddling close to home

 

Final Gala Concert

Jazz and Heritage Center, 8PM

Closing out the Birdfoot Festival

 

Canine Karaoke

Homedale Inn Bar, 9PM

Supporting the Love A Pit Foundation

 

TRAX ONLY

Poor Boys Bar, 12AM

Resident DJs, along with special guest

DIMANCHE

June 4th

June Puppy Social

Louisiana SPCA, 10AM

Toys, treats, low impact agility

 

Jazz Brunch

Josephine Estelle, 11AM

Live sounds served sunny side up

 

THINK DEEP

The Drifter Hotel, 12PM

Presented by Techno Club

 

Book Discussion

Garden District Book Shop, 12PM

C.D. Colins discusses her memoir

 

Summer Reading Kick Off

NOPL Youth Services, 1PM

Feat. Roots music and books by Johnette Downing

 

Saving Abel

Southport Music Hall, 6PM

With support by Akadia and First Fracture

 

Open Mic and Slam

Ashé Cac, 7PM

Team SNO + Jahman Hill

 

Edge Film Festival

Zeitgeist Center, 730PM

Short film screenings + awards

 

Frontier Ruckus

Gasa Gasa, 9PM

Enjoy some multi genre rock



Frack Your Brain


Q
Between protests and pipelines, there's something underfoot in St. Tammany Parish. What is it, Dead Huey? Are we doomed? -Marooned in Mandeville

A

Mentally wander with me for a moment my living and unnoticeably decomposing friends. Let us leave the urban squalor of this city and set out due north. Marvel as we cross the second largest land bridge in the world. Second, Huey?! Yes my friends, in 2011 while we rested on our Ponchartrain laurels, the Chinese were busy constructing the Jiaozhou Bay Bridge surpassing our “Wonder of the World Causeway” in overall structural length; yet another failure of the current state executive. I detest leading with a metaphor, but the Chinese usurpation of our Guinness Record is not unlike the situation taking place in those magic pines across that great big pond.

 

“Magic you say?! Huey, I’ve been to Northshore many times I never saw no wizards, or dragons, or large wolves being mentally controlled by the crippled children nobility!”   

 

I do mean magic my friends; a subtle kind of spell that wraps through the woods and swamps in the parish of St. Tammany. Let us take a brief moment to observe just a few of the conspicuous miracles abounding in this wooded kingdom. An extremely high number of Louisiana State University cheerleaders, or, for the initiated, the Golden Girls, hail from this unassuming retreat where beautiful women grow like artichokes.  Why, in 2007 half of the Golden Girls Dance line hailed from this land of mystery, a fact I’ve become acquainted with due to my unchallenged place at the top of the Tiger Nation.

 

As a man who consumes his weight in red meat on the regular I have only been bested by one sandwich, and that delicacy is the Roast Beef Po-Boy found at Bears Po-Boys in downtown Covington. It rips your at your stomach from the inside, paralyzing you masochistic pleasure, and though your innards cry “Mercy!” your mouth calls you a coward for hesitating, and inexplicably, you eat on. And lastly of great intellectual and historical import, this is the place that gave us both noted writer and philosopher Walker Percy and noted assassin and patsy Lee Harvey Oswald. 

 

But how!? How can such a small and unassuming place produce such a varied and special roster of achievements? The answer is the water. WATER!!!! That element that was once of vital importance to the world which is slowly being replaced with water like substitutes. There is magical water underneath the ground in St. Tammany Parish. It heals the sick, comforts the weary, and sustains the undead so they may fulfill their civic duty despite rigor mortis. The source of this water is located in the political separatist colony of Abita Springs. A gentle people nursed on ancient Choctaw streams living an antiquated life, like the small towns of my youth minus the rampant poverty and tuberculosis. This water brings them together, makes their beer, and heals their ailments in a truly bipartisan fashion. Unfortunately, bipartisanship, like magical springs, cannot last forever. Darkness has come to the Northshore. And that darkness has come from under the ground.

 

I’m no water scientist, but this magical healing water derives its miraculous qualities from the most sacred substance god ever created and hid in the earth hoping that man would become advanced enough to take it. I am of course speaking of oil. As you read my undead ramblings the company Helis Oil is about to set up shop on a piece of land and drill a 13,000 foot deep well to begin the process called fracking. Now fracking to my understanding is when you take a large, dental water pick, drive it into the earth, and then shoot H20 at the sediment below. This lubricates the oil and tricks it into coming to the surface of its own volition. I always applaud diversity in business strategy, but to attack the magical water supply of the docile Elvin people of the Northshore is a continuous land bridge too far!

 

There deep within the woods I hear the angry cries of abused citizenry. The shaking of branches the smashing of mandolins, and the silent steady beat of mocchasined feet on the ground. Those magical beings of the woods will not retreat to their tree forts. They raise their voices and join together in electronic petitions to stop this petroleum-sucking giant from taking their water away. A monster waits to pillage the gentle streams and piney woods of the Northshore, but in an irony that surely is not lost on anyone involved, that monster is their own.

 

In 2011 when my blood enemy, Bobby Jindal, was handily winning a second term crushing what was left of political choice in this state, St. Tammany Parish gave him a whopping 75% of its votes. In the governors unholy marriage to corporate interests he must have offered the pure Choctaw springs as a dowry, and like all primitive courtships, the bride had no idea what was surrendered. The magical children of the Northshore are unhappy. The industry so vital to our state and the people inside of it is not such a vital industry when it knocks on your door and threatens to take a big ole country shit in your magical water supply. I suppose its one thing to have Chevron’s Regional Headquarters lodged comfortably in your parish, but quite another when a massive company built from scratch by a Greek immigrant wants to find out what lies beneath. The beast will eat his masters.

 

Yet my vigilant friends, all is not lost. In that place where conservative fire meets hippie water an example is being enacted. We see a clear and definitive version of what happens when you ally with the hydra known as the Petrochemical industry. It will turn on you. It will see something it wants and go about taking it from you. It does not matter that you drink from sacred Choctaw nectar. It does not matter that you have a golf course in your back yard. It does not matter if you are a faithful follower of Brother Bobby, or Brother Bush, or even inbred cousin Vitter. If you stand on ground where even the hint of oil can be sniffed you are not safe. I hope this magical and confused parish may somehow see that this fire will take them all and collectively stop the Helis Water Pick from tearing away the foundations of the earth. I hope this, but I do not know. But take heart St. Tammany, even when all else fails, when we lose our homes, families, friends, faith, and land there is one thing that keeps us going. Irony. May the twenty five percent of you who saw this coming share that irony with the other seventy five percent who opened the door to it. And may your I told you so be empathetic and consoling. And may a coalition of active citizens emerge from the wreckage of a political system to stem this invading tide. I want my Po-Boy, and I cannot survive without that water.




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Contributors

Renard Boissiere, Evan Z.E. Hammond, Dead Huey, Wilson Koewing, J.A. Lloyd, Joseph Santiago, Andrew Smith, Cynthia Via

Photographers


Art Director

Michael Weber, B.A.

Editor

Alexis Manrodt

Listings Editor

Linzi Falk

Editor Emeritus

B. E. Mintz

Editor Emeritus

Stephen Babcock

Published Daily