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Crawfish '16


By Lucy Leonard, additional reporting from NoDef Staff

As the 2016 Presidential campaign trail heats up, a new contender is throwing its hat into the race— that’s right, according to a Facebook page with upwards of 12,000 Likes, a crawfish, named Crawfish, is running for President of the United States. Specifically, he is trying to gain more support on social median than da Gov’.

 

The page, which is called “Can This Crawfish Get More Supporters Than Bobby Jindal?” says that it is the official page for Crawfish’s 2016 presidential campaign. It even lays out Crawfish’s many beliefs. First and foremost, the site says that you should vote for Crawfish because he is not Bobby Jindal.

 

NoDef reached out to the page's anonymous administrator, known only as Crawfish's campaign manager and learned about the project's origins. The politico explained, "Well, one day in late May, I was reading about something idiotic that Jindal said. I said to my roommate, 'I'd literally rather vote for a crawfish than for Bobby Jindal.' So we made the page as a joke. After his presidential announcement, the page just exploded, so I guess quite a few people feel the same way."

 

The campaign says that Facebook is just the beginning. "We do plan to host "campaigning" events throughout the state. Happy hours, meet-and-greets, crawfish boils (despite the cannibalistic implications) - that sort of thing. If those are a success, who knows? Why stop in Louisiana? We could crack the shell and suck the head of corrupt politics at its very core. In Iowa. Change begins 'bayou.'"

 

As for the candidate, Crawfish also holds strong opinions on a variety of other topics. Crawfish’s platform is based on the beliefs that ISIS is bad, Game of Thrones is good and that “introducing Texas Pete to Louisiana restaurants is a dangerous overreach of federal powers and a severe blow to the Louisianian economy, which thrives on Crystal,” according to the website.  

 

On big banks, the storied presidential nominee doesn’t feel educated enough to offer an opinion, mostly because “it is just a humble ol’ crawfish,” the website decrees. Crawfish does, however, believe in women’s rights and racial equality. 

 

Still, the page asserts, Crawfish’s most important platform is that Crawfish is not Bobby Jindal. Governor Jindal has consistently ranked near the bottom in 2016 Republican presidential nomination polling data, according to Real Clear Politics. 

 

And, in case birthers are worried, Crawfish has supplied a birth certificate. (His parents are Crawdad and Crawmom).

 

But with a late start in politics, can Crawfish catch up? That remains to be seen.  His campaign manager told NoDef that the target number of Likes is fluid. "Ideally? [We want] 500 million. Realistically? More than Bobby Jindal's official page, which currently has 254,865."

 

NoDef reached out to the FEC to check on Crawfish's filing, but the call was not returned by press-time.

 

Check out the page here.




Erin Rose
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