In this week's canon of criminality, a green-thumbed thief thought better of his crime, the American Flag and the Bible were stolen on separate occassions and a cookie jar and machete were among the items wielded during fights. Every week, Crescent City Crime Bits runs down the lowdown.

It was a harmless rendition of that old throw-the-guy's-phone-on-the-roof prank that ended with someone unconscious. In the 900 block of Bourbon St. on April 1, two men found a phone on a table, and decided to throw it on the roof and let it fall to the ground. It broke. According to police, the man returned later to find the phone, and beat one of the men until he was out cold. Police are looking for the man, who rendered injuries that resulted in facial surgery to the cell slinger. Video of the incident compiled by NOPD is after the jump, and it's pretty ugly.

It's the old schoolyard motto: Don't throw a pencil at another kid, or he'll come after you with a boxcutter. As a school bus rumbled toward the corner of of S. Broad and Gravier recently, a male student threw a #2 another student, prompting a fight between the two, New Orleans police report. They eventually ended the first scrum, but, deciding he wasn't done, the student on the receiving end of the pencil fetched a boxcutter. He went after the first kid, prompting several other students to intervene. In the end, three students who tried to break up the fight were the only ones injured. They sustained "minor lacerations," police said. The fighting students were arrested, then went home with their parents.

David Simon and the cast of Treme might be milking the parades for all their worth, but the steamy side of Hollywood South does not even slow down for Mardi Gras. The Examiner reports that Nicolas Cage was involved in a scuffle on Friday night at Stella (in the Quarter.) One window was broken According to the Ex, NOPD escorted Cage from the restaurant for his own safety.